Well, I haven’t posted here in a really long time. I have been very ill. I’m exhausted most of the time. Nothing interesting to write because I’ve mostly been sleeping.
I have been bleeding for weeks and weeks. Now it seems like that is a very small complaint, but when you are in a wheelchair, things get complicated. I cannot stand up long enough to use a tampon. And sitting all the time has its own complications when wearing anything else. I’m getting anemic, which makes me weak, making transferring dangerous. At this stage in my life, this isn’t supposed to be happening. Why am I bleeding at all? It worries me. I am really longing for menopause at this point.
Then I got sick, the sickest I have been in a really long time. I picked up a norovirus from somewhere and I spiked a fever. I was delusional from fever. My roommates would come in or out of the room to bring me water or tea and I would try to talk to them. The fever made it hard to know what was real and what wasn’t. I thought a cherry tree was growing through my window, but in my dream the cherries were too sour. I kept trying to tell Ruby, “don’t eat those cherries,” and she would just nod. It seemed like she was responding to me. Actually, I was just pointing and mumbling. I also had a dog, which I do not, and I kept trying to get them to read my book to me. She was a very devoted Shiba Inu. She would take out her little reading glasses and put them on, and read the book, but they would not read out loud. It was quite frustrating.
I had a dream that I had a zombie husband. I was dismayed about this because I did not remember getting married, not that he was a zombie. He was an ok guy, he didn’t try to eat my brain or anything. People were really mean to him, because he was a zombie, so they would kick his legs out from under him. I, of course, would get mad about this and yell at these people, and try to find whatever body parts may have gotten scattered. Ruby has declared that she does not approve of the zombie husband. When I, or anyone else, defend zombie husband, Ruby just replies, “Aim higher!” She does have a point. Also, the fact that I am the only person who is defending him is something typical of abusive situations. I keep trying to remind people that it was just a hallucination, but my friends have taken my hallucinations and run with them. It actually amuses me now that I’m up and starting to get around a little more. I do still want a Shiba Inu, but I won’t expect them to read to me. However, the zombie husband is a complete pass.
A good amount of my time, however, was spent cowering on the toilet, with the trash can on my lap, being a fount of bodily fluids. In addition, I have a wound vac that is constantly sucking on the wound on my hip, which has grown to the size of a silver dollar. It looks like someone or something took a bite out of me. And I cry and scream while I do this, feeling my body trying to somehow cleanse itself of every last molecule of whatever it has deemed evil. I don’t understand, and I am not sure how much more of this I can take.
Seyewailo 